Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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