We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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