Don't you send me to vm
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
