The maid of honor just puked.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Even my vagina gasped.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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