please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
