At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
