Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
tell me about the fingering
The ass gains better be worth it
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