I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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