I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
