I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
