I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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