had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
