You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
