I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How external is "for external use only"?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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