she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
