she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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