My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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