I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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