Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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