they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
