I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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