You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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