Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
