3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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