she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
