Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
