i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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