Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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