So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
