1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
