Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
