Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
