I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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