Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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