I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
bring money and cleavage
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Randomize
