The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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