His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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