How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
