Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
