I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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