If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
