i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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