i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
