it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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