he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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