I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We need to get me chipped asap
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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