please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
