____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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