It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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