I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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