shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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