So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
only you would photoshop your dick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
