So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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