I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
