Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
