i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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