well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
