She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
