Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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