take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
