It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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