my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
