You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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