Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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