Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
