omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
