So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
