so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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