Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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