omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
