Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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