Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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