In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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