I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
