Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
