WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
