So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
50% drunk capacity currently
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
