I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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