Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i have herpe
just one?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
