How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
